"You're doing it wrong… You can’t even get this simple thing right… Even a child could do this, but you’re still struggling… How many times do I have to show you?" 

Many of us have experienced disapproval and harsh criticism like this at some point. Whether it came from a parent, teacher, manager, or spouse, repeated exposure to these negative messages can condition us to internalize them. Over time, that nagging voice becomes ingrained, and the external criticism turns into an internal monologue. Without the original critic even being present, you find yourself hearing those same self-deprecating and self-critical voices in your own head.

The voice that once came from outside has now become part of you, constantly grinding you down. You want to stop it, but it seems impossible, like battling a phantom that lives in your mind. This nagging voice is driven by deep-seated emotions, making it particularly hard to overcome.

However, we can uncondition this voice by addressing the emotions that fuel it. Techniques like eye movement can help reduce the intensity of these emotions, weakening the grip of the nagging voice. By focusing on the subtle feelings and associated thoughts while performing eye movement, the emotional charge behind the voice begins to dissipate. As the intensity of emotions fades, so does the voice, and you start to realize that these self-critical thoughts were just illusions all along.

Find the root cause

Negative self-talk can stem from a variety of sources, therefore let’s run self-analysis to uncover and address conflicting narratives within your mind. 

Consider the feeling of lacking confidence or self-doubt: your brain involuntarily and persistently entertains thoughts like "I'm not smart," "I'm not attractive," "I don't have enough money," or "I'm unworthy." However, these feelings of inadequacy are not grounded in reality—they are projections of intangible and illusory thoughts.

This internal conflict divides your mind, creating a constant battle within yourself, between the positive voice that says, "I'm good," and the negative voice that insists, "You're a failure." This constant struggle keeps you busy trying to prove yourself, draining your energy.

Therefore, the next step is to identify the unconscious beliefs fueling these self-doubt feelings so that you can stop drowning out your own voice. For example:

• Personality traits: Someone who is naturally more introverted and prone to anxiety in social situations may struggle with self-confidence.

• Childhood conditioning: The belief "I'm not good enough" might be deeply rooted in childhood experiences of constant criticism or neglect by parents.

• Social comparison: It’s human nature to compare ourselves to others, but constantly measuring yourself against others can lead to feelings of inferiority.

• Lack of skills or knowledge: Feeling less capable due to gaps in language, agility, or specific skills can undermine your sense of self-worth.

Let go the unconscious beliefs

Lack of confidence isn’t a flaw in your character; it’s often shaped by innate personality traits, environmental conditioning, and various other factors. Instead of blaming yourself, let’s focus on dismantling those unconscious beliefs by reducing the emotional intensity associated.

Uncondition those thinking patterns by breaking the circular reasoning can trap you in a loop of self-doubt—where beliefs of inferiority fuel feelings of inadequacy, which in turn reinforce those same beliefs. 

However, the nagging voice in your head can be more complex than just these factors, so we may need to explore different approaches. Feel free to leave comments and share what has worked for you—your insights could help others on their journey!