Self-rejection leads to inner self-division. Rejecting yourself is like your mind turning against you, much like an autoimmune disease. To heal is to accept yourself—becoming a whole, unified, no longer fractured by internal conflict and contradiction. 

Be kind to yourself. You may dislike certain aspects of yourself—whether it’s your personality or things you've done or said that you now regret. However, both the good and bad are essential parts of who we are. Healing begins with self-forgiveness. It can be difficult to accept the harm we've caused or the mistakes we've made, but rejecting these parts of ourselves only leads to inner conflict. To become whole, we must embrace and integrate all aspects of who we are.

However, self-acceptance doesn't mean surrendering to negative traits or excusing harmful behaviors with statements like, 'This is just who I am. This is my temper.' Self-acceptance is not an excuse to indulge in bad habits or cause harm to others under the guise of "self-acceptance," which then is an excuse for self-indulgence. 

Self-Inquiry, but Not Self-Criticism

Self-reflection is important for personal growth, yet harsh self-criticism can lead to self-doubt. It's like one hand holding a knife to wound yourself while the other hand tries to protect you—a contradictory behavior that only results in anxiety.

If we're not satisfied with certain aspects of ourselves, then we seek improvement. We can strive for better without rejecting who we are. Hating yourself or your body is an illness where the body attacks its own cells, and the self-attacking thoughts deepen the internal turmoil.

Often, we find ourselves in conflict with aspects of our personality that don’t reflect our true selves—traits like a short temper or lack of confidence. If you don’t want to be impatient, angry, or anxious, do those traits truly represent you? Or are they just emotional reactions dictated by biological mechanisms? 

Instead of rejecting or hiding from these traits, let’s step back and explore the deeper reasons behind those characteristics. Once you recognize that these traits or behaviors aren’t truly who you are—for example, “I don’t want to be anxious, but I can’t help it” or “I wish I could be more patient, but the feelings of anger and frustration overwhelm me.” By recognizing the patterns, we can then apply various healing techniques to address and resolve the underlying issues.

Characteristics are often shaped by underlying emotions, such as a lack of confidence. For instance, social anxiety may stem from thoughts like “Am I going to embarrass myself?” or fear of speaking up, “What if they don’t like my idea and reject it?” Once you recognize these patterns, you’re on the right path and have taken the important first step toward healing.

One approach is to reduce the emotional impact through techniques like eye movement, which can help reduce the intensity of negative feelings. Once the emotional charge is reduced, it's easier to think clearly and observe yourself from an objective, third-person perspective to uncover the root of the problem.

Forgiving Yourself Wholeheartedly

We bring warmth and laughter to others, yet we may also unintentionally cause harm, sometimes leaving lasting damage. In hindsight, we may be overwhelmed with regret and find it difficult to forgive ourselves. But we cannot change the past, and dwelling on guilt only deepens the pain.

Defending our past actions neither heals nor fosters growth. Yesterday’s mistakes are valuable lessons for today. Healing is when you forgive yourself and relieve the weight of past guilt.

Embrace who you are—that’s where the healing journey begins!