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Desires, sex, and pleasures

Awakening is about non-attachment, but not detachment from all desires. The goal isn’t to eliminate desire entirely—life would be dull and lifeless if that were the case. U.G. Krishnamurti was known for his unconventional approach to life and lived on a minimalist lifestyle with few possessions and desires, which extended to his eating habits. As mentioned in The Mystique of Enlightenment, he often ate very basic foods of whatever was available. However, it reflects a personal choice rather than a prerequisite for awakening. After all, the real principle is not being deceived by illusions or false beliefs.  

Once a holy man came to see me. He was claiming that denial of sex is so essential for the spiritual future of man. I said, “It's a crime against nature. Nature has not intended you to deny sex.”...Why has denial of sex been made the foundation of spiritual enlightenment?...To be attracted is natural. If you are not attracted you are a stone. The body, with its senses, is not a stone. It has to respond to what is happening around it. What touches this body is not your piety or your silence but your anger, your lust and everything that is happening there…The actions of life are outside the field of thought. Life is simply a process of stimulus and response, and stimulus and response are one unitary movement. But it is thought that separates them and says that this is the response and that is the stimulus.

Buddhism teaches non-attachment and celibacy because believing attachment to desires and sensual pleasures can lead to suffering and hold you trapped in the cycle of reincarnation. However, that’s not exactly correct. Let’s reconsider non-attachment from a different angle.

Picture yourself at the end of a joyful day at the amusement park, with the sun setting in a warm orange glow and a gentle summer breeze. What a fantastic day! As you approach the exit, you see a child refusing to leave, tears streaming down their face, desperately clinging to the door, unwilling to go home—this is attachment.

In contrast, you also had a wonderful time. As the park is closing, you feel a touch of melancholy but understand that it’s time to leave. You cherish the memories and walk toward the exit—this is non-attachment, enjoying life fully without being bound by it.

Now, some may misunderstand non-attachment by practicing celibacy or avoiding all pleasures, believing that denying desires will lead to nirvana. They are also at the amusement park, watching others laugh and have fun, but they deny themselves the experience, believing abstaining from desires will lead to spiritual freedom. However, this could be another form of attachment—attachment to the belief that they must avoid joy and pleasure.

Life itself is like an amusement park. The key is to engage with life, enjoy the experiences, and flow with it naturally. When the time comes, say goodbye to your family and friends, and depart gracefully. Grateful for the journey and its offerings. Non-attachment doesn't mean rejecting life; it means living fully while understanding that life is but a dream.

You have been told that you should practice desirelessness but that is falsifying you. Desire is there. Desire as such can't be wrong, can't be false, because it is there…If that man has no desire, as you imagine, he is a corpse. Don't believe that man at all! Such a man builds some organization and lives in luxury which you pay for.

It doesn't matter what the object of that search is—God, a beautiful woman, whatsoever—it is all the same search and that hunger will never be satisfied. That hunger must burn itself out completely without knowing satisfaction. The thirst you have must burn itself out without being quenched. It dawns on you that this is not the way and it is finished.

Unless you are free from the desire of all desires—liberation or self-realization—you will be miserable.

Fantasies about God are acceptable but fantasies about sex are called sensual, physical. There is no difference between the two. One is socially acceptable, the other is not. You are limiting knowledge to a particular area of experience so then it becomes sensual and the other becomes spiritual. Everything is sensual to me.

Whatever you want, even the so-called spiritual goals, is materialistic in value. What, if I may ask, is so spiritual about it? If you want to achieve a spiritual goal, the instrument you use will be the same which you use to achieve materialistic goals, namely thought.

You see, there is this pleasure movement. I am not against the pleasure movement. I am neither preaching hedonism nor advocating any “-ism” or anything. What I am saying is a threat to you as you know yourself and experience yourself so you necessarily have to fit me into that framework. Or else, you put it another way and say that the content of whatever has happened to U.G. and to them is the same but his expression is different.

Morality

A moral man is a chicken. A moral man is a frightened man, a chicken-hearted man. That is why he practices morality and sits in judgment over others. And his righteous indignation! A truly moral man will never talk of morality or sit in judgment on the morals of others; never. Man is always selfish and he will remain selfish as long as he practices selflessness as a virtue.

We have created this moral problem, you see. Plants and animals don't have a religious problem. Man has created this religious problem.

Man is worse than other animals it made it necessary and possible for him to create the moral dilemma. When man first experienced the division in his consciousness, when he experienced his self-consciousness, he felt superior to other animals, which he is not, and therein sowed the seeds of his own destruction.

The whole religious business is nothing but moral codes of conduct. You must be generous, compassionate, loving, while all the time you remain greedy and callous. Codes of conduct are set by society in its own interests, sacred or profane. There is nothing religious about it. The religious man puts the priest, the censor, inside you. Now the policeman has been institutionalized and placed outside you.

This brings us to Mark Twain’s final novel, The Mysterious Stranger, which delves into themes of morality, the human condition, and the nature of good and evil. One of the key aspects Twain explores is the hypocrisy and cruelty often inherent in human nature, which contrasts sharply with the straightforward nature of animals.

In the novel, the character of Satan (not the Biblical Satan, but a supernatural being who shares the name) observes and comments on human behavior, pointing out the absurdities and contradictions in human morality. Twain highlights how humans often pride themselves on being moral and just, yet they engage in acts of cruelty, deceit, and hypocrisy. 

Through Satan, Twain suggests that animals, while not always kind, are at least true to their nature. They act on instinct and do not pretend to be something they are not. Unlike humans, animals do not construct elaborate justifications for their actions or claim moral superiority—hypocrites. The so-called morality of humans is often a facade, masking deeper selfishness and hypocrisy. The hypocritical behavior that humans justify under the guise of being “civilized” or “moral.”

There is no such thing as absolute morality. By morality I mean questioning your actions before and after. It is all social. For the smooth running of society these codes are necessary. These religious people have created a policeman inside you. Certain actions are termed good and certain other actions are termed bad either before or after you do them. That hasn't helped you in any way.

It is not that I am against the moral codes of conduct. They have a social value. They are essential for the smooth functioning of society. You have to have some code of conduct to function in this world intelligently. Otherwise, there will be utter chaos.

You are escaping from yourself. What you do or do not do does not matter at all—your practice of holiness, your practice of virtue. That is socially valuable for the society but that has nothing to do with this. The moral codes of conduct have no relationship whatsoever to this. Not that this man is immoral. He cannot be immoral.

That not because of love but because of the terror of liquidating ourselves we will learn to live together. You cannot hurt anybody without hurting yourself, not psychologically but physically. Only when we realize this will we learn to live together. As long as each individual seeks his own security, there can be no overall security.

In the spiritual marketplace, love, compassion, and forgiveness are frequently promoted as marketing slogans. However, these qualities cannot be manufactured or projected. True love and compassion are rooted in empathy, which arises naturally as a byproduct of healing. When we heal, we come to understand that, as humans, we are inseparable and interconnected. From this realization, empathy grows, and love and compassion emerge organically—unforced and authentic, rather than artificially constructed. 

This is not to dismiss the importance of love, compassion, and forgiveness, but if these virtues are practiced in a pretentious or performative way, they can easily backfire. You’ve likely heard countless stories of religious leaders or communities failing to live up to the values they preach. While it’s tempting to blame the individuals, the deeper issue may lie in the fact that they are promoting ideals that go against human nature. They’re addressing the problem with the wrong answer.

Another issue is that we may genuinely desire to do good, but often without letting go of the ego. When spiritual practices are used to mask the ego—telling ourselves, "I’m a spiritual person, so I must be a good person"—a self-deception turns spirituality into a tool for bolstering the ego.

This echoes Jed McKenna’s second book in his trilogy, where he describes a group of "spiritual" people living in luxurious homes overlooking the ocean, driving fancy cars, and gathering to discuss saving the environment, doomsday scenarios, and how to be more compassionate toward their neighbors. Jed pierces through their hypocritical façade by asking honest, pointed questions that expose their self-deception.

To be clear, there’s nothing inherently wrong with driving fancy cars or living in luxury if one can afford it. The issue lies in the attitude—many pursue "spirituality," "love," or "compassion" not as genuine practices, but as ways to embellish the ego, using these virtues to create a favorable self-image rather than embodying them authentically.

There is no point in discussing hypothetical situations for the simple reason that the person who is hopping mad with anger, burning with anger, will not seek and discuss the question of anger. That's the time to deal with those things, when you are really burning with anger, burning with desire, burning with all those things that you want to be free from. Otherwise, it becomes like a classroom discussion—somebody talking on the anatomy of anger, the anatomy of how the anger arises or the anatomy of love. It's too ridiculous. Or they offer solutions which don't work when there is a real situation. That's the reason why I don't discuss all these things.

“Thoughts are thoughts; they are neither good nor bad.” However, we often try to cling to the “good” thoughts and repress or reject the “bad” ones, creating an internal conflict. Spiritual teachings often suggest that if someone harms you, you should learn to forgive and love, telling yourself it’s all an illusion or attempting to shift your perspective without addressing the underlying pain. But this approach doesn’t truly resolve the issue.

Thoughts themselves are not inherently problematic; it’s the beliefs and frameworks that drive those inner conflicts. As we dismantle the beliefs that confine us, the self-projected illusion dissolves, ultimately returning us to the natural state.

The Holy business

Spiritual teachings can be misleading, trapping us in a perpetual cycle, running in circles for years before realizing we’re going nowhere.

You want to be a good man, a nice man, an innocent man, and all that stuff. You want to be something different, but always in the future. That is what all the teachers promise you, and they just promise, a next life or an afterlife. Till then he is in business, he is assured.

Speaking from personal experience, my mom and I immersed ourselves in countless spiritual books and religious scriptures, studied under numerous teachers, devoured practices, and spent countless hours meditating and practicing various spiritual disciplines. I’ve had profound spiritual experiences, developed a substantial understanding of metaphysics, and can speak fluently on spiritual topics. Yet, for many years, I kept asking myself—despite these profound insights, why haven’t I undergone a fundamental transformation? Despite moments of progress, this long journey often felt agonizingly slow, leaving me feeling devoid and hopeless.

I don't give false hopes or promises, but religious leaders have created some hope, so you go on and on, like riding a tiger you can't get off. There's no journey. Both are kidding themselves, those who take or pretend to take you on the journey and those who are trying.

Many claim to be awakened, living fully in the present moment, in a state of constant meditation, peace, and awareness—yet the states that often seem to exist only in theory or in books. From afar, the teachings of such gurus may seem inspiring, but as U.G. observed, the illusion crumbles upon closer inspection. The deeper we look, the more we realize that these ideals often don’t hold up in real life, revealing a gap between the message and the reality behind it.

I was surrounded by all kinds of religious people. I felt that there was something funny in their behavior. There was a wide gap between what they believed and how they lived. This always bothered me but I could not call all of them hypocrites. I said to myself, “There is something wrong with what they believe. Maybe their source is wrong. All the teachers of mankind, particularly the spiritual teachers, conned themselves and conned the whole of mankind. So I have to find out for myself and I have no way of finding out anything for myself as long as I depend upon anyone.”

Those leaders who would direct your spiritual life cannot be honest about these things for they make a living out of fear, speculations about future life and the mystery of death.

You are assuming that you are hungering for spiritual attainments and you are reaching out for your goals. Naturally, there are so many people in the market place, all these saints, selling all kinds of shoddy goods. They say it is for the welfare of mankind and that they do it out of compassion and all that kind of thing. 

What I am trying to say is that you are satisfied with the crumbs they throw at you. They promise that one day they are going to deliver to you a full loaf of bread. That is just a promise. They cannot deliver the goods at all.”

The spiritual marketplace often advertises permanent happiness and bliss, but what they’re really selling is hope—specifically, false hope. The idea is that through some miracle, you’ll one day reach that state of eternal peace and joy. Jed McKenna also highlights similar issues within the spirituality space: “One Zen sells books and miniature sand gardens and calligraphy sets and little Buddha statues. The other Zen is about enlightenment.” The first sells spiritual vibes, while the latter concerns disillusionment and waking up from the dreamstate.

It’s not always easy to discern who is truly awakened. Even U.G., who himself awakened, occasionally mistook non-awakened individuals, like Ramana Maharshi, for enlightened beings. Be skeptical about ones claiming enlightenment while only engaging in metaphysical discussions—that’s the easy part. If you've read extensively and had a few deep spiritual experiences, you'll likely equipped with knowledge similar to those gurus. 

Many have delved deep into metaphysical understanding and had profound spiritual experiences, allowing them to talk fluently about concepts like illusion, unity, or no-self. Still, they haven't crossed the line into awakening. These individuals often stumble to provide clear, direct answers. An example of this can be found in Be As You Are: The Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi:

Q: How long does it take to reach mukti [liberation]? 

A: Mukti is not to be gained in the future. It is there for ever, here and now. 

Q: I agree, but I do not experience it. 

A: The experience is here and now. One cannot deny one's own Self.

The vague and perplexing response creates an illusion of depth, a faux sense of profundity. This is a common problem in the spiritual realm. It lacks rigorous logical reasoning and primarily leans on "intuition" and “feelings,” leaving plenty of room for interpretation and misinterpretation. If you follow suit the teachings for years, you may eventually realize that you've been circling around metaphysical concepts without truly penetrating the core of the matter. Speaking from personal experience, we were once misled, mistaking convoluted answers for supreme wisdom. However, that's not the main focus of this book summary, so let's set that topic aside for now and revisit it at another time.

No-self and interconnectedness

As long as there is division, as long as there is a separation within you, so long do you maintain that separation around you.

Terms like "ego," "higher self," or "true self" can be misleading. Those concepts imply a division within the self. It divides the self into the lower self and the higher self. As U.G. put it, “The lower self, the higher self and self knowing, self-knowledge, knowing from moment to moment, is absolute rubbish, balderdash!”

Furthermore, Self-realization presents an inherent paradox because there is no actual “self” to realize. The self is merely a projection of the brain or the universe—a delusive construct, an illusion, like a dust bunny. It’s not a concrete or eternal entity. Perhaps the soul or spirit may just be cloud-like matter, a construct of an energy field rather than enduring, solid objects.

The divided state of consciousness cannot function at all any more. It is always in the undivided state of consciousness.

This is going to liquidate what you call you, all of you.

Your wanting something from somebody is the cause of your misery. The end of illusion is the end of you, so you can't be without illusion. You can only replace one illusion with another.

“The separation between mind and body must come to an end.” The natural state is a state of undivided and inseparable, that’s the spiritual experiences of unity and oneness. As you become one, undivided consciousness, then you’ll start to experience oneness with the universe in the metaphysical sense. Realize there is no separation. 

The state is something natural. Do you see the swellings here? Yesterday was the new moon. The body is affected by everything that is happening around you. It is not separate.

This actually happened to me when I was staying in a coffee plantation: a mother started beating a child, a little child, you know. She was mad, hopping mad, and she hit the child so hard, the child almost turned blue. And somebody asked me "Why did you not interfere and stop her?" I was standing there—I was so puzzled, you see. "Who should I take pity on, the mother or the child?"—that was my answer—"Who is responsible?" Both were in a ridiculous situation: the mother could not control her anger, and the child was so helpless and innocent. This went on—it was moving from one to the other—and then I found all those things [marks] on my back. So I was also part of that. (I am not saying this just to claim something.) That is possible because consciousness cannot be divided. Anything that is happening there is affecting you—this is affection, you understand? There is no question of your sitting in judgment on anybody; the situation happens to be that, so you are affected by that. You are affected by everything that is happening there.

At the same time, you might experience paranormal abilities, “The human being has lost all of the animal instincts and he has not developed the human instincts. What these people talk of—psychic powers, clairvoyance—they are all human instincts.”

Look! Each flower is unique in its own way

The ideal that we have placed before us, the perfect man, is just a myth. Such a man doesn't exist at all. The ideal man doesn't exist. It is just a word, an idea. All your life you are trying to become that ideal man and what you are left with is misery, suffering and hope.

Man becomes man for the first time, and that is possible only when he frees himself from the burden of the heritage we are talking about, the heritage of man as a whole. Then only does he become an individual…That's the first time such an individual becomes a man. Otherwise, he is an animal.

We might find comfort in traditions and rituals because they provide structure and a sense of familiarity. However, these very traditions and rituals can become barriers to true awakening. Instead of becoming an unique being, they mold you into imitating models, saints, or buddhas, keeping you trapped rather than liberation.

So you are freed from the burden of the past and become for the first time an individual. There is no relationship between these two flowers at all so there is no point in comparing and contrasting the unique flowers that nature has thrown up from time to time. They in their own ways have had their impact. Each flower has its own fragrance…If it had not been for the heritage of man which we are so proud of we would have had so many flowers like this.

Society has placed before you the ideal of a perfect person. Regardless of the culture you were born into, you are handed scriptural doctrines and traditions that dictate how you should behave. You are told that, through diligent practice, you can eventually reach the state attained by sages and saints. In response, you attempt to control your behavior, your thoughts, and your very nature, striving to become something unnatural. This effort to control life has generated a secondary movement of thought within you, which you identify as the self.

You see, the trouble is that the more beliefs you have the more difficult it becomes for you because one more thing is added to your tradition. Your tradition, which you want to preserve, has been strengthened and fortified by the appearance of a new man because you are trying to fit him into the framework of your tradition.

Through an accumulation of tradition, you become a copy of tradition itself, living based upon dead people’s principles rather than becoming a unique and independent human being. Thus, one day, “It throws the culture out then it expresses itself in its own way.” Why settle for being a mere copy when you can become your authentic self?

This individual is neither a theist nor an atheist nor an agnostic. He is what he is. The movement that has been created by the heritage of man which is trying to make you into something different from what you are comes to an end and what you are begins to express itself in its own way, unhindered, un-handicapped, unburdened by the past of mankind as a whole.

Be bold, be courageous. You’re on the journey to becoming your true self!

Footnote

Everyone is unique, shaped by different personal experiences, preferences, and personalities, which lead to different perspectives on life—even among those who have attained awakening. From my observations of Chan masters like Bodhidharma, Huineng, and Wumen Huikai, as well as figures like U.G. Krishnamurti, Jed McKenna, and even my mother, I've noticed some common traits. They have always been outsiders, detached from societal norms and less influenced by the expectations of the world around them. While they may be caring—my mother, for instance, is deeply loving and compassionate—they are less concerned with how society operates and more driven by an inner compass.

These individuals possess an extraordinary ability to perceive, guided by a strong intuition or inner "north star" that provides them with direction. They have the certainty and courage to follow their heart, even when it leads them down unconventional and less-traveled paths. Their heightened perception and ability to think beyond the linear allow them to navigate life with greater clarity. However, their outsider status—almost an alien-like quality—can make it challenging for them to comprehend why most people remain trapped in certain patterns. In fact, we all possess an inner compass. However, it is often clouded, making it difficult to discern the guidance that could lead us back to our true selves.

The natural needs of a human being are basic: food, clothing and shelter. You must either work for them or be given them by somebody. If these are your only needs they are not very difficult to fulfill. To deny yourself the basic needs is not a sign of spirituality. But to require more than food, clothing and shelter is a neurotic state of mind.

U.G.’s views are not always right, as he sometimes dismisses valuable ideas. For example, he once said, "All this rubbish about the conscious and the unconscious, awareness and the self, is all a product of modern psychology." Those are key concepts that play a crucial role in understanding the self and how we function, and serve as important stepping stones to help the leap.

He doesn’t think it is possible to know how to reach the natural state or to effectively communicate that process to others. As he puts it, "No one can help you, and you cannot help yourself." In his view, “A teaching implies a method or a system, a technique or a new way of thinking to be applied in order to bring about a transformation in your way of life. What I am saying is outside the field of teachability.”

Yet, in my opinion, while it is undoubtedly challenging, but attainable. This involves a rigorous process of self-framework dismantling, similar to Jed McKenna’s “spiritual autolysis,” where we gradually break down the structures that confine us. We may not know when the final straw will break the camel’s back, but by engaging in this relentlessly, we develop the momentum for eventual transformation.

Nonetheless, his straightforward teaching style—advocating for the complete and uncompromising destruction of delusional thoughts and beliefs by throwing them into a bonfire and burning them away—the classic Chan/Zen approach to awakening. It’s an effective method for those who can embrace it.

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