Self-Autolysis: A Brutal Path to Healing and Awakening
Self-Autolysis, a term borrowed from Jed McKenna. On the surface, healing and awakening is a journey of self-discovery and finding inner peace. However, as we delve deeper, it becomes evident that it is a brutal and bloody business before reaching the destination.
This isn't merely an analytical exercise at a cognitive level but a slow and agonizing endeavor—dismantling the self-framework that we’ve established over the years is like performing surgery on the “self” with a sharp scalpel, meticulously cutting away false beliefs and identities, leaving only what’s true.
Why endure this excruciating process? Isn’t the journey of healing and awakening supposed to be pleasant and joyful? While practices like yoga, meditation, exercise, and a healthy diet are excellent for physical and mental well-being, they often don't address and eradicate the root causes of our pain. It’s like taking a painkiller to mask the symptoms without dealing with the underlying issues.
We might be able to meditate away our troubling thoughts or feelings, use a heavy dosage of exercise to numb the pain or keep ourselves busy with those tasks to avoid our deepest fears. This avoidance could also lead to spiritual bypassing, where we suppress or ignore true feelings because they are too painful to bear. Instead of tackling trauma and internal conflicts, we immerse ourselves in the practice of “compassion,” “forgiveness,” “kindness,” “positive thinking,” or any external matters to distract ourselves from confronting inner pain and conflicts. This is not to dismiss the importance of compassion, forgiveness, and kindness. However, without addressing the root issues, it is putting the cart before the horse.
Symptoms may be temporarily alleviated, but the pain remains buried deep within and affects our behaviors unconsciously. The emotions suppressed are trapped inside our body and could lead to physical illness. Perhaps we learn to work around the wounds to avoid pain, but it’s like a pebble slipped into a shoe and not removing it. To avoid stepping on it, we end up walking funny and unnaturally.
Perhaps society teaches us to avoid negative emotions at all costs, leading us to ignore them. As a result, we often act out instead of addressing our true emotions and feelings. For instance, thinking, “I’m too masculine to recognize my fear and sadness,” or using a beautiful facade to cover up the dent of self-esteem.
The tricky part is that these behaviors are often unconscious unless we intentionally observe and recognize the underlying issues. Self-autolysis helps us dismantle the framework of the self and examine it carefully, stripping away layer by layer of false identity. But what are the “false” parts?
The false parts are those we falsely identify as our true selves. You might think your personality represents you, but that is not completely true. Personality could be genetically predetermined, inherited from parents or grandparents, a learned characteristic, or shaped by an environment that is beyond your volition.
Cultural, racial, social, physical, or any sort of identification or belief masks the true self. The true self doesn’t contain those identifications or biases but pure consciousness and awareness. We are influenced by biological, cultural, upbringing, and numerous factors. We pick up the moral code or social values passed down from generation to generation. Collectively, form an identity of self.
False identifications and biases are like water dyed blue or yellow, and then we mistakenly label the water with that particular color. In fact, pure water has no color. Self-autolysis is the purification process, removing the impurities and dropping the false identifications or values, allowing us to see clearly and return to our true nature.