Here is an article focusing on forgiveness. Forgiveness is the result of healing, not its premise. It is hard to forgive for the sake of forgiving. Here is another case to demonstrate this idea.

When Gabrielle was dating Bob, he had violent tendencies and trouble containing his emotions. She frequently endured his outbursts over minor issues. One morning, she accidentally disturbed his sleep. As Bob had difficulty sleeping and was dependent on sleeping pills, he angrily leaped out of bed and violently pushed Gabrielle. She hit the wall and fell to the floor. He then berated her incessantly for over two hours, throwing objects around the room and threatening to hit or even kill her.

She developed insomnia after the traumatic incident. Countless nights, she woke up screaming and in tears from nightmares. This continued for over half a year until eye movement helped release her from the horror.

Gabrielle’s case is a classic example of trauma. When we first started talking, she would discuss various aspects of Bob’s behavior and personality casually. However, when the conversation turned to that specific morning incident, she began to break down. Her body twisted and tensed, she became weak and immobile, barely able to walk, and she was on the verge of vomiting, struggling to breathe, followed by a total emotional breakdown.

During the eye movement sessions, Gabrielle frequently relived the trauma. Without warning, she would be sucked into a whirlpool of intense emotions, screaming in rage, “Get away from me, don’t bother me,” and “Do you know I could kill you?” Her gaze would freeze, filled with anger and malice, like a fierce dog ready to bite. She often couldn’t follow my fingers for eye movement. I had to call her name loudly, snap my fingers, or clap to bring her back to the present, urging her to stay focused. Occasionally, she appeared to be possessed, staring blankly like a character in a horror movie. I’m not exaggerating the situation; I could sense the dread and blood pumping through my entire body.

I continuously reminded her to focus on the movement of my finger and to breathe deeply—while inhaling, “Confidently tell yourself you are very strong and nothing can hurt you. It’s all in the past; the images you see are not real, just memories. They can’t hurt you anymore.” While exhaling, “Release the emotions and body tension. It’s okay, you are safe now.”

It took about an hour and a half for her to gradually dissipate the intense emotions and calm down. Suddenly, she began to cry and apologize to herself, saying, “I had endured so much unnecessary pain. It was me holding on to the emotions and trapping myself.” She also spontaneously expressed sympathy for Bob and let go of her tribulation toward him. she cleared the air and told me about his abusive childhood. Bob’s father, a military personnel, would tie Bob up when he was a child and beat him until he experienced stress urinary incontinence, a total loss of physical and mental control. 

The next day, she told me, “I had the best sleep in over six months. I can now take deep breaths that reach all the way down to my toes!” A few weeks later, she reported, “Although I still feel uncomfortable recalling the incident, I no longer have nightmares and the emotional impact is minimal. I’m able to reflect on many things in my life.”

Often, we want to move on but find ourselves overpowered and dictated by intense emotions. The brain clings to these emotions, sacrificing our inner peace. When dealing with such emotions, I encourage everyone to try eye movement first. Forgiveness is not the most consequential matter—healing is. Once the intensity of the pain and emotions subside, you’ll find clarity of mind and feel as if you’ve woken up from a bad dream.